Shatter
Lumi sits across from Rashid on the balcony of Rashid’s chambers. The wrought iron table topped with bright stained-glass rests between Rashid and Lumi. Rashid uncrosses his legs, turning back to Lumi while he sips on the fragrant mint tea. The late blooming citrus carries the scent of ripe oranges from the terrace garden. Lumi grabs a handful of dried nuts from the small silver plate, stamped with a floral design. Once again, Rashid clears his throat and tugs on the collar of his kaftan. Lumi rolls his eyes at Rashid, his cheeks burn red from the anger swelling within him.
Lumi chomps on the dried nuts and stares at Rashid, who sips his tea with his characteristic slowness, “You wanted to see me?” Lumi croaks, chewing with his mouth open.
Rashid motions to Lumi’s empty glass, bringing the decanter to his glass. “Lumi,” he says softly, pouring the water slowly. “Are ya going to say anything?”
Lumi chews the nuts loudly, his lips smacking together, still staring at Rashid. “What do you want me to say?” He asks, his brow raised. “I’ve already said what my plan is,” he grumbles. “I’m not going to become the Saint of Flames. We’re going to the nort—”
Rashid clicks his tongue then laughs, a softness in his eyes, “Ya…have the chance to change the world, Lumi. The saint of flames is one of the most powerful figur—”
“I have already made up my mind,” Lumi announces again, “Khimi and I are leaving. We’re going to Sidi, and then we’re taking a ship to the north…I won’t be bullied, not by Lilith, not by Revya, and certainly not by YOU!” He shouts, pushing himself to his feet and stumbling, the iron chair screeches across the tiled floor.
Members of the serving staff look up from the courtyard below, their eyes fixed on Rashid’s quarters. There is no privacy here. Lumi sighs and straightens his trousers.
“I’m sorry. I’m just…tired of repeating myself,” Lumi whispers, watching the spilled water drip over the table. “I didn’t mean to lose my temper,” he adds, grabbing the rim of the table.
“I understand how ya feel, Lumi.” Rashid replies. He lifts the glass upright and fills it once more. “Sit,” he adds, then motions back to the chair. “I think I see why the gods chose ya as the Saint of Flames. Got all that heat in ya.”
Lumi sits in the iron chair and lowers his head over the glass tabletop. “I don’t want it…I do, but I also don’t. I want to make the gods happy, and I want to help people. I really do. But, you need to understa—”
“I think I do,” Rashid interrupts. He pulls at the unruly gray hairs on his eyebrow. “Ya live y’re life for Khimi,” he mutters thoughtfully, plucking a scraggly gray.
Lumi winces, his eyes brimming with tears. “Rashid,” he struggles to speak. “Khimi kept pressuring me to listen to them… like he didn’t care about what could happen. He needs to understand that I can’t… Nina even warned me that his life may flicker before my eyes.”
Rashid sighs, “So what are ya thinkin’?” He asks, plucking another particularly long gray from his brow.
Lumi peeks through his fingers at Khimi’s advisor, searching for any signs of hope. “If Gilbert can help us find a solution…what if Khimi could become a saint with me because our souls are connected?” he suggests, filled with hope. “It’s possible, isn’t it?”
Rashid tries to hide a smile creeping onto his lips. “Lumi… Khimi has never been one to follow the gods, so they won’t grant him such a blessing. Maybe you can share some of your years with him, or perhaps he will live as long as you do. But the gods have chosen you.”
“That’s all I want! I want him to have a long life with me! Even if he doesn’t become the saint with me…I want him to be by my side, Rashid!” Lumi says excitedly. “He was meant to be with me.”
“And how does Khimi feel about all of this?” Rashid asks, then leans back in the iron chair.
Lumi’s sullen expression grows more pronounced with his response, “Back in Dolmas…I promised Khimi that I would take on the role of the Saint of Flames as long as he was by my side. But now, I see how dumb I was! How can I possibly be the Saint of Flames when Khimi can’t always be with me?”
Rashid’s response is a soft whisper, “Ya claim ya don’t want to be the Saint of Flames, yet y’re undeniably THE Saint of Flames. What ya choose to do with that title is up to ya.”
Lumi rolls his neck from side to side while he ponders. The tail on his lap rattles, “So, I’m the Saint of Flames…but I’m not ready to be this…person everyone wants me to be.”
Rashid reassures him, “In time, ya will be. And Khimi will be right there beside you every step of the way.” He takes a sip from his glass and looks at Lumi with a warm expression, “I consider Khimi to be like a son to me. I have always felt that way, and always will. And although y’re relationship brings each other happiness, remember: Ya are still the Saint of Flames.”
Lumi’s hands grip the edge of the table, “All of these people will be disappointed in me,” he whispers. “I’m not what they want. I’m not smart or stro—”
“Ya will learn. In time, ya will. Wisdom comes with age and consideration. Ya are wiser than ya know. Ya have a good heart, and yer passionate about the people ya love,” Rashid says while he reaches across the small table. Lumi’s hand looks tiny in comparison to Rashid’s. “Ya just need to learn to calm down. Take a moment and breathe, Lumi.”
Lumi gazes back at the sprawling estate, his eyes scanning the carefully tended garden below. He desperately searches for something, anything, to distract him from Rashid’s words. Lately, he has grown weary of shedding tears and worries that it makes him appear weak. But as Rashid’s hand tightens around his own, a surge of emotions overwhelms him once again. There is nothing in the world that matters more to him than Khimi, and he can not help but feel like he has disappointed him. I’m such a failure, he thinks to himself. Rashid looks up at him with concern.
Lumi’s ears droop and twitch while he wipes away the tears that still stream down his face. “I can’t,” he mutters, “I can’t because…I’ll always be emotional. I’m not like Khimi, I can’t keep everything in like him.”
Rashid laughs, patting Lumi’s hand gently. “One day Khimi will release all of those emotions he’s been holding in…and he’ll need ya to be there for him.”
Lumi smiles at Rashid between quiet sniffles, “I don’t know how he does it. He’s always so…composed. Sometimes I worry if he feels anything at all.”
“When he was a boy, Khimi was anything but composed…he was wild and carefree. He had this energy about him that made everyone smile,” Rashid begins and releases Lumi’s hand. “He ran away when he was a kid a dozen times after he fought with Ziad…and each time it was either myself or Aleyna that would drag him home.”
“Maybe he shouldn’t have gone back,” Lumi whispers. “Nothing good came from him being with Ziad. Not after everything he put Khimi through…”
“The emir was a cruel father, but Khimi learned quickly from him,” Rashid says, shaking his head in disagreement. “He learned discipline at a young age and excelled far above anyone’s expectations. His tutors called him a prodigy…it was only a shame he ran away when he did.”
“Why is that?” Lumi asks before he wipes his cheeks clean again.
Rashid leans back in the chair and taps his fingers over the glass tabletop, “Ziad had already been gone a few years before Khimi ran away. If he stayed, things could have been different for him. He could have turned the Cerulean Star around.”
“His life seems great now, though,” Lumi says. He looks over his shoulder at the estate in awe. “He gets to have all of this to himself.”
“If he stayed, he likely would have been overseeing all the wealth of his family from his ancestral home in Sidi. There is always a Zeybek in Sidi, that’s how the saying goes anyhow,” Rashid says firmly before bringing the glass to his lips again. “Did ya know Khimi speaks four different languages? He was trained to become one of the greatest leaders the Zeybek’s have ever raised…but he ran away and his future faded. Ziad will never trust Khimi, not truly.”
“Then what will happen to them…to the Zeybek’s?” Lumi asks, “Since Khimi is the last of his line.”
Rashid scoffs, “Well, I am sure the estate will be divided amongst those distant cousins of the Zeybek line, though there are not many of those remaining either.”
“I don’t think that Ziad will ever like Khimi if I am with him,” Lumi whispers while he reaches for his glass. “He was a huge arse when we met him.”
Rashid folds his arms and exhales sharply, “Ziad will always be the same. Ya can’t expect someone like him to change overnight, but maybe in time he will come around.”
“Aleyna seems absolutely lovely, though,” Lumi beams cheerfully, attempting to change the subject. He brings the glass to his lips and peers through the bottom at Rashid. “We spoke a few times!” He adds after finishing.
“Aleyna is a wonderful lady, and a good mother, despite whatever Khimi says or feels about her…I know he still holds resentment towards her for things in the past, but they always looked out for one another when things got tense with Ziad,” Rashid mutters, pulling on the long sleeves of his black kaftan.
Lumi sits forward, “What do you think Aleyna will make of Khimi and I?” He asks expectantly. “She’s a beastkin too, so she can’t hate m—”
Rashid’s eyes widened, “Where did you hear that?” He asks, leaning forward quickly, his hands slamming flat on the glass top of the table.
Lumi recoils briefly in shock before he realizes his mistake, “N-No, it’s nothing! I ju—”
“Who would spread such slander?!” Rashid demands with fury in his eyes.
Lumi crosses his arms, “Nina told me…so just stop yelling!”
Rashid slumps down in his seat, head in his hands. “Does Khimi know as well?” he asks with a panicked look in his eyes.
With a gulp, Lumi confirms, “He does.”
“Of course he knows…is that why he’s been drinking every night?” Rashid says, covering his eyes from Lumi’s gaze.
“He won’t take me anywhere either…I know he wants to keep me safe, but I think it’s also because he doesn’t want me to see him upset,” Lumi whispers in agreement.
“Maybe I should cancel my trip…I need to talk to him about it at least. He needs to understand why we – why Aleyna did it,” Rashid mutters under his breath. He raises his head and adds, “Nina told you? Aleyna made her promise not to tell…”
“Well she messed up…we all make mistakes,” Lumi begins, “It isn’t a bad thing. Being a beastkin,” he adds, looking up at Rashid’s sullen expression. “I’m happy to be an aslan! And…knowing Khimi is a minos makes me happy too! That means there is a chance. If something happens to us, maybe we can share the same aft—”
“That’s quite dark. Y’re expecting to die soon?” Rashid asks, slapping his cheek gently.
“No,” Lumi responds firmly, blowing out a breath through his lips. “We’re going to live forever!”
“Then why are you so concerned about the afterlife?” Rashid scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief.
A smile crosses Lumi’s lips, “Just in case! We’ve already been through so much! I’d be stupid to not be worried.”
“Fair point, it seems danger does seem to seek ya both out,” Rashid responds pensively. “But to answer yer question…Aleyna will be happy as long as Khimi is happy.”
“Am I the type of person that Aleyna would like?” Lumi asks with a hopefulness in his heart.
“She enjoys being around people who are full of energy and life, so I can only imagine that y’re perfect for her,” Rashid murmurs, waving away Lumi’s doubts. “But that’s not important right now…I need to tell Khimi the truth.”
Lumi sighs, “What if you traveled to Sidi like you intended,” he offers, itching his ear thoughtfully. “And you give Khimi some time to think things through? I don’t know if approaching him now will go over too well. He’s angry and upset…he nee—”
“Needs to hear the godsdamned truth!” Rashid grumbles.
“I think he understands the truth,” Lumi replies curtly. “It was clear what type of person Ziad is when I met him. He hates beastkin, he kept calling me a demi-human to my face!”
“I’ve even called ya a demi-human…but I know what ya mean,” Rashid whispers. “He wasn’t always like this. Things got worse over time. The longer we served together, the more fanatical he became. He even resents the saint of balance and the entire Faith.”
After a moment of thought, Lumi asks, “Did something happen to make him this way?”
“No,” Rashid replies, his fingers tangling in his gray beard. “He would always make comments, but then they turned into actions. He nearly beat a fellow paladin to death just because they were beastkin and made a comment he didn’t agree with. Perhaps it’s just the way he was raised.”
Lumi meets Rashid’s gaze and asks plainly, “Do you hate me, Rashid? I won’t be upset either way…Khimi wants us to be friends, so I will try.”
Rashid snorts with a hint of resentment, “This is why I like ya. Y’re bold…but no I don’t hate ya. I just got used to the way Ziad handled things.” He runs his fingers through his beard, pulling at the curled hairs. “Ziad is a scary man. I’m sure you know that by now.”
Lumi smiles and leans forward, his ears twitching and fangs showing while he teases, “I’m not afraid of some old man.” He laughs and adds, “He is a huge jerk though…I can see where Khimi gets his angry scowls from.”
Rashid smiles, “He does wear that same look sometimes,” he replies, then mocks Ziad’s sour expression.
Resting the back of his hands under his chin, Lumi continues, “Rashid, what will you do now? Khimi said, that you were free of your duties…are you going to stay in Sidi?”
Rashid reclines in his chair, “Trying to change the subject on me, ease me away from trying to talk to Khimi, are ya?” He asks with a laugh. “Once I get to Sidi with the caravan, I’ll spend some time at the Zeybek estate, and then I suppose I’ll go home on the outskirts. Do something simple, maybe I’ll grow a garden.”
“I’ve never seen you touch a plant,” Lumi says suspiciously. He chokes back a laugh, “The way you speak about Sidi, you must really love it there?”
“It’ll always be my home,” Rashid responds quietly. After a long moment, he releases a lengthy sigh.
Inquisitive, Lumi’s ears perk up at the sound. “What’s the matter? Did talking about Sidi upset you?”
“Imagine how hard it was for him, Lumi,” Rashid says gruffly.
“Who? Ziad?”
“Khimi!” Rashid mumbles, “He doesn’t belong in either world, truly. He constantly represses his emotions, represses that part of him that he hardly didn’t even know existed. Ziad…never wanted him to be like Aleyna, or her family.”
Lumi smiles confidently, his finger gliding around the rim of his glass, “Khimi still shows his emotions, just not like you or me…and he’s strong, so much stronger than me. And he’s smart and compassionate. Someone like him would have been suited better to be the voice of the gods.”
“Lum—”
“No, please,” Lumi whispers, “This is about Khimi. I know I am the Saint of Flames, nothing can change that. But, I need everyone to understand me…Khimi…is mine now. Whatever Ziad wants from Khimi, it won’t happen. Until I find a way, until I know I can have Khimi until the end of my days, and until I know we can be together, I will never stop.”
“Yer soundin’ a bit…intense there, little lion,” Rashid whispers, a cautious look in his eyes.
Lumi looks up from his glass, “I just mean to say that, Khimi will always have a home with me. Even if he doesn’t belong to either world, beings that he isn’t…pure or whatever,” he pauses briefly. “I spent time with a half-elf at the temple. She told me that her parents hated her, and she felt alone in the world because she was torn between being an elf and a human. But Khimi, he will never feel alone with me…because I know what it’s like to be alone. I will never let him feel alone.”
“Ya were always around people, how’d ya ever feel alone? The temple has scores of acolytes,” Rashid says with a curious glance.
“At the temple, with my tribe…I’ve always felt alone. Up until I met him, there was this emptiness,” Lumi says, clenching the fabric over his heart. “Then suddenly, it was gone…even when we were apart, it was like I survived on the idea of seeing him again,” he whispers. “I know he feels the same way.”
Rashid releases a long sigh, “I can’t answer for him, but I can tell ya that I’ve never seen him care for anyone the way he cares for ya,” he says in a comforting tone.
“Thank you,” Lumi responds with a smile, then gazes out over the balcony railing. “A garden though, seriously?” He asks again, unsure of what to make of Rashid’s plans.
“Don’t be rude,” Rashid chuckles. “An old man can have his dreams. Plus, maybe I’ll finally find myself a wife,” he mutters under his breath. After a brief pause, he continues, “Do you want to hear more about young Khimi?”
Lumi leans forward eagerly, “Absolutely,” he says with a cheerful laugh.
The hours pass by as they reminisce on Khimi’s childhood tales, the sun setting behind the rooftop terrace and enveloping them in darkness on the balcony. They both laugh at Rashid’s mention of how heavy Khimi was at birth, imagining his soft round cheeks and dark features swaddled in a blanket. Lumi’s heart fills with warmth and emotion at the thought of Khimi in such a peaceful state, without any scars or trauma.
The stories range from good times to bad, but both evoke strong emotions in Lumi as if he is feeling Khimi’s pain and experiences firsthand. He is surprised by how mischievous of a child Khimi was before his father took away any joy from him. As Rashid speaks with such fondness, Lumi realizes that Rashid truly saw Khimi as his own son. A pang of envy hits him briefly before fading away; he had never had guidance in his life until he met Saint Nina.
***
The door to Rashid’s quarters opens with a creak, and though Lumi can’t see who is coming, he hopes it’s Khimi returning from his night of drinking. He stands up from his chair eagerly, but his linen choli catches on a decorative iron piece. He tugs harshly at the fabric, too excited to notice the tearing sound. The silence from Rashid makes Lumi uneasy. Something must be wrong.
He looks up at the older man and asks in a hushed voice, “Rashid?” He stands, the fabric tears even more, but he does not pay attention.
Rashid’s hand goes to his shamshir without hesitation. “Just sit,” he commands.
A man with bronze ringlets above his brow steps into the room, radiating an aura of danger despite not saying a word. His kurta seems too big for his thin frame, engulfing him almost entirely. Lumi’s heart races as the man approaches. Their eyes meet – dark almond versus hazel green – and the stranger’s smirk reveals two sets of pointed teeth. Lumi realizes he has no weapon within reach, nothing to defend himself or Rashid with. His fingers brush against the golden choker on his neck as he awaits instructions from Rashid. The silk babouches slide onto the balcony as the handsome man looks down at them. Lumi smells a faint hint of blood beneath the overpowering scent of lavender that clings to him. Unsure of what to do, Lumi shifts his gaze between Rashid and this intimidating figure standing over them, leaning slightly on the glass tabletop with his fingertips.
“We’re kind of busy—” Lumi starts to say, but the man stops him with a finger pressed against his lips.
Rashid stands up, “You have to leave now,” he says sternly.
The man slams his hand on the glass table, revealing black scales under his brown hair near the temples. Lumi had seen something similar in yilan before, but these scales are bigger and more defined. A draco? A thick tail flicks out from behind him, unlike anything Lumi has ever seen. Rashid keeps a tight grip on the handle of his shamshir sword.
“What is this?” Rashid demands of the strange man.
Once again, the man remains silent and presses both hands down firmly on the tabletop. Annoyed, Rashid stands up quickly.
“GUARDS!” Rashid yells as the man’s hand suddenly comes towards him. The edge of his hand hits Rashid in the throat hard.
“GUARDS!” Lumi screams, pushing himself back against the balcony railing for support.
Suddenly, the attacker pulls out a dirk and swipes at Lumi, causing strands of his blond hair to fall onto the table along with a dark liquid.
“Poison,” Rashid mutters as he rushes past the table and draws his sword. “Jump, Lumi! Get out of here!”
Lumi glances behind him at the ground below before turning back to face Rashid. He knows he can survive the fall, but he is not concerned about himself at that moment. “No!” he growls, clutching onto the golden choker around his neck. As Lumi dodges another attack from the dirk-wielding assailant, Rashid’s shamshir comes crashing down on the table where their opponent had been standing.
The dirk shifts back at Lumi, his incantation interrupted as he dodges the blade. Rashid’s shamshir comes down over the assailant’s shoulder, pushing past and smashing into the glass tabletop.
The would-be assassin rolls back into the room, reaching into his tunic while he does.
“Go, Lumi!” Rashid shouts, the sound of heavy footfalls begin to echo through the courtyard. He reaches for Lumi, grabbing him by the chest and tosses him back against the rail. “GUARDS!”
Lumi stares at Rashid, showing his fangs as he looks past him into the room. “No, Rashid!” He shouts, pushing past him and forcing his way into the room.
It takes Lumi’s eyes a moment to adjust to the absence of light, seeing the room in shades of gray. Rashid’s bed is in the center of the room between the open doors to the balcony. The man had removed the kurta, revealing a white linen shirt similar in style to many sailors and corsairs Lumi had met in the Golden Isles. Without the servant’s jacket, he appears much bigger in his own clothes with a deformed anchor tattoo on his neck confirming what Lumi already suspected – he is a corsair.
Feathers scatter across the room as a dagger grazes past Lumi, lodging into the mattress next to him. Rashid barges in and shoves Lumi onto the bed, grunting in frustration. With his vision obscured by feathers, Lumi struggles to regain focus. As he looks up from the mattress, he notices a dagger sticking out of Rashid’s shoulder. Without hesitation, Rashid pulls it out and places his hand over the wound while murmuring an incantation with a serious expression on his face.
“Leave, Lumi,” Rashid growls. “I beg of you.”
Lumi refuses to back down from a fight. He glances towards the balcony where he can hear shouting guards and others rushing towards their room from the hallway. “You’ve got nowhere to go,” he taunts from the bed, narrowing his eyes at the man.
The man shrugs and takes out a small red pearl from his pocket, leaving Lumi confused. Rashid charges forward with his sword raised, cursing under his breath. The man puts the strange orb between his teeth and as Rashid strikes him in the chest, splattering blood across the sandstone floor, the pearl disappears from sight. The man grabs hold of Rashid’s elbow and locks them together tightly before smirking triumphantly.
“Get out!” Rashid shouts. More guards break into the room. He turns to them,“Get out” he repeats firmly. Then he turns back to Lumi one last time with a pleading look in his eyes. “Lumi,” he whispers, his expression softening. “I’m sorry…”
Lumi leaps out of bed and rushes towards the two figures. The man’s laughter is cut short, Rashid’s blade slices through his chest, blood spilling onto the floor between their bound bodies. A strange light shines from beneath the scaled figure’s throat. In a desperate move, Rashid turns to Lumi and reaches out his hand, chanting an incantation with tears in his eyes.
A heat Lumi had ever experienced bursts forth from within the man, engulfing Rashid in a burning white light. The fire fills the room, an explosion of flames and heat brush against Lumi. Pressure surrounds him, his breath stolen, his vision blurs. He feels a rush of wind behind him as everything disappears into darkness.