Final Wishes
The days following Rashid’s death are difficult for everyone, especially Lumi. He had taken the news hard and blamed himself for not being able to save his friend. Khimi, on the other hand, struggled to find the right words to console Lumi. Despite Lumi’s usual jovial demeanor, he had secluded himself in their room since he received the news. Khimi could sense that Lumi wanted to support him, but his grief was too overwhelming. And even though Khimi longed for Lumi’s comfort, he knew it was his duty as the leader of Cerulean Star to remain composed and strong.
Now, Khimi sits across from Lilith in the courtyard as they are bathed in sunlight filtering through the blue silk awning. They have been sitting in silence for nearly three hours, waiting for the other to speak first. Lilith occasionally opens her eyes from beneath her brow and glances at Khimi, expecting him to break the silence. Prior to this meeting, she had performed a ritual and connected with Rashid’s spirit in a private chamber. Khimi anxiously taps his toes against the stone floor, desperate to know what Rashid’s spirit revealed to Lilith. However, he doesn’t want to seem too eager or desperate. He knows that having someone like Lilith within the city is a blessing — as the head priestess of the Sepulcher of Rites, she has the gift of communicating with the dead, just like many others in her order do.
Lilith sits up with a long sigh, her tone weary. “I have a lot on my plate,” she mumbles while swinging her leg over the edge of the rattan chair. “I’m sure you have questions.”
Khimi tilts his head, “Plenty of them,” he answers, crossing his legs and leaning back. “Why didn’t you let me speak to him?”
Lilith scoffs and blows air through her lips. “Because spirits are the same as when they were alive. If he saw you, it would make it harder for him to accept what has happened. And if you tried to petition him to return, he might come back only for your sake,” she says sharply. “Is that what you want?”
“Would that really be so bad? If he came back?” Khimi asks, frustration evident while he grips the armrest. “I just don’t see how it could hurt…you were supposed to convince him…that’s why I brought you here.”
Lilith sways her head from side to side, her hair moving gracefully with each movement. “Don’t expect me to simply tell a spirit they should return to this realm…especially if they were content with their life. He even said he would make a terrible gardener if he did come back. He specifically asked me to tell you and Lumi that.”
Khimi settles back in his chair, the warm sun filtering through the blue silk awning. A small table sits between them, filled with an array of fruits and nuts, but Khimi has no appetite. Every day since Rashid’s passing, he has hoped that the head priestess would come and persuade Rashid to return. Stories of fallen heroes and friends pleading with the spirits of their loved ones to come back are common on Talmus. It is Lilith’s duty to guide souls into the afterlife, yet Khimi can’t shake off the devilkin’s insistence that Rashid was content to move on. The loss of his only friend weighs heavier on Khimi each day, filling him with anxiety whenever he thinks of Rashid or considers asking for his advisor’s guidance – something he knows he will miss dearly. Rashid had been more of a father to him than Ziad could ever be.
“He couldn’t…tend to a plant to save his life,” Khimi grumbles. “Lumi told me that Rashid wanted to grow a garden…what was he thinking?,” he asks himself, shaking his head.
Lilith leans forward in her sultry loincloth, “See, death doesn’t have to be a sad thing,” she mumbles coolly. She pulls on the loose strands of her hair. “Normally, I wouldn’t give this much attention to any of my followers…but here I am. Helping the little bull lick his wounds.”
“My wounds don’t need licking,” Khimi whispers. He closes his eyes, the sun’s light penetrating through his thin eyelids. “I just wan—”
“What you WANT will not come to pass,” Lilith snaps sternly. She lifts the brass tea kettle and pours it into one of the vibrant glasses with golden filigree. “Rashid’s soul has passed on to the next life…he resides in Elysium now and experiences everlasting bliss. Are you so selfish that you would take that from him?”
“Of course not!” Khimi snaps, “I just thought…he would get to enjoy his life. Maybe he’d ge—”
“And his heaven…I promise he will enjoy it more than whatever trivial thing he had planned for the remainder of his…existence here on this plane,” Lilith interrupts, then pauses to take a sip from her glass. “He wants you to be happy for him…I understand your grief will take time. It is the living who suffer the loss of the dead, after all.”
“You act as if I don’t know grief,” Khimi snarls at the sky.
Lilith sighs, “Lord Zeybek, have you ever truly suffered a loss? Witnessed the death of someone close to you?” She takes another sip from the glass. “Or are you still just a little boy in a man’s body?”
“I’ve seen men die, and men I’ve known have died,” Khimi says between grit teeth.
“Then you’ve answered my question. You’ve yet to experience true and meaningful loss, and yet you almost experienced it twice within a night,” Lilith whispers. The steam from the mint tea rises into her nostrils with a vigorous inhale. “But for now, we have a celebration to plan…and it seems your little lion has yet to make an appearance.”
Khimi opens his eyes, “Lumi is upset…Perhaps you should be consoling him instead of me,” he whispers, motioning to his chambers past the courtyard. “Well? Go on then.”
Lilith sighs while she picks at her sheer loincloth. “Lumi’s grief is not the same as your grief. He feels remorse over not being able to stop Rashid’s death…while YOUR grief…is loss. It may take you months or even years for that emptiness you feel to fade.”
“I don’t feel any emptiness…just anger. Guilt, maybe,” Khimi responds in an unsure tone. “I should have been here.”
Lilith chuckles, “If you want me to tell you something to make you feel better, I cannot. That’s just not who I am. But certainly you cannot predict these things and very likely…these people were waiting for you to leave,” she says, tapping her knuckles against her chin. “Think on it, Khimi.”
Khimi takes a deep breath and pauses. “Then,” he begins in a whisper. “You’re saying there was nothing I could do? It was out of my hands?”
Lilith cocks her brow. “If it eases your pain to think that way, then…certainly. There was nothing that could be done. Your presence would have likely only worsened the situation,” she pauses, “this is what you want to hear is it not? Shall I continue?”
“Enough,” Khimi sighs, deflating in his seat. “You only made me feel worse, if anything. I thought the acolytes from the sepulcher were trained in dealing with the bereaved?”
“Huh, that’s just not me. I can summon an acolyte for you?” The Lilith laughs, “Now then, there are some things that we need to discuss. Some final wishes of your dearest advisor,” she says. Her sharpened nails pick at the rattan fibers along the chair.
“Final wishes?” Khimi turns to her with a look of surprise.
“Yes, simple things mostly,” Lilith starts, a smile forming on her lips. “Though it will be somewhat costly. He wants to be buried in Sidi, where the Sarkis have traditionally been buried. Anywhere in Sidi will do. It’s an easy enough request…but you’ll need to preserve the body for such a long journey. I would send a cleric to look over his body with you during the journey, but I have none to spare.”
“That’s an easy enough request,” Khimi replies. “I can think of an acolyte or two from Nina’s temple who may be up for the task,” he adds, his lips thin into narrow lines. “I’ll see if she will allow it.”
“Then onto the next item,” Lilith begins, “he wanted you to have his shamshir…he said that he would have passed it onto his children if he was fortunate enough to have any. The blade is a Sarkis heirloom, passed from the firstborn child to the next and has for generations,” she pauses, peering up at Khimi. “Do you have his blade? It is made of Sidian steel.”
Khimi looks at the shamshir leaning against a sandstone pillar a short distance away. “Aye,” he says, motioning to it. “I’ve never seen Rashid a day without it…he even took it into the baths.”
The blade is thin. Its edge is curved with a wicked sharpness to it, there are scorch marks across the blade from the fire. The terrifying edge runs into the handle, which is crafted in the likeness of a falcon, forged out of bronze with a pearl inlay. Khimi’s eyes the blade with a fondness before turning back to Lilith.
“Anything else?”
Lilith shakes her head, “He just wished for you to enjoy your life…that whatever happens you will take care of Aleyna,” she whispers, “that seems to be quite important to him.”
Khimi pushes his fingers through his hair, “He didn’t say anything else?”
Lilith sighs again, “To ENJOY your life, Khimi. What more do you want to hear?” She asks, throwing her hands up. “He said to enjoy life, so that is what you will do. We’re going to celebrate his life, then you will depart from Rhaz with Rashid’s body, then you will bury him in Sidi and move on.”
Khimi leans forward and pours himself a glass of mint tea. “Then we will make it a celebration that Rhaz will not soon forget,” he says, raising his glass with a smile.
Lilith raises her glass. “May the spirits smile down upon us,” she says, matching his smile with an equally toothy grin.
Sullen
In the lord’s chambers, the blue curtains are drawn tightly closed over the windows. Khimi finds Lumi after a moment of searching through the darkness. Lying on the floor, Lumi has his knees tucked to his chest and his tail curled between his legs. Khimi does not need to see to know that Lumi had been crying. He draws nearer to the source of the sound, the quiet sniffles suddenly stop. Carefully, he lowers himself onto the tiles and crosses his legs in front of Lumi. Though he knows Lumi can see him in the dark, Khimi can only make out Lumi’s shape.
Khimi removes his silk babouches and tosses them onto the floor before he extends his hand across the cool tiles. Lumi reaches out and grabs him, sharp nails pressing into his palm. Khimi lies on the ground and closes his eyes from the weariness of his day. The room is silent except for the occasional sniffle. Khimi thinks about what the future holds for the Cerulean Star, and while he had known that Rashid’s guidance would not last forever, he had hoped he could depend on his advice for just a while longer.
“I-I’m sorry,” Lumi stutters suddenly.
“Stop,” Khimi mutters and sits up on his side. The thin pillows make for poor support, but he tucks several beneath his neck to make do. “It wasn’t your fault. You did everything within your po–”
“Kh–”
“I kno–”
“Listen, Khimi,” Lumi interjects with a sudden flash of anger. “What are we doin’?”
“Doing about what?” Khimi asks, squeezing Lumi’s hand in the darkness.
“About Ziad…?” Lumi’s words are spoken like a challenge. “We will never be able to live in peace,” he whispers. “Khi–”
“How do you think I feel, Lumi?” Khimi groans and with a sharp tug, Lumi slides across the floor and against Khimi.
Lumi embraces him, the wetness from his cheeks soaking into the white silk kaftan. “He’s not going to stop…if I wasn’t here, Rashid would never have been in danger. He’d still be ali–” he pauses and heaves a heavy sob, unable to catch his breath.
Khimi’s arms coil around Lumi. “Rashid knew how important you were to me, Lumi, you’ve given me so much purpose.”
“What are we going to do?” Lumi asks again, his tail coiling around Khimi’s leg.
“At some point, we will have to cross that bridge. I thought I could just let it go,” Khimi whispers, “I thought maybe we could just eventually run away. But when I saw you…when that man poisoned you. I knew Ziad would never leave us. Something has to be done…”
Lumi groans, pushing himself back from Khimi. “You can’t kill your dad, Khi–”
“Of course I can,” Khimi grumbles. “He has caused nothing but strife in my life, has done nothing but hurt the people most important to me,” he adds swiftly. “But…we have a friend to help us at least.”
“Ennui?” Lumi asks, his eyes widen in the dark.
“She’d help if we asked,” Khimi replies quietly. “There are also others, I am sure. People who I can rally to my cause against Ziad. Perhaps your friends, Mido and Augustus,” he whispers and pulls Lumi back against himself. His stubbled chin itches between Lumi’s rounded ears. “Perhaps with a little bit of combat experience, they will be able to prove themselves capable.”
Lumi thinks with an audible hmm, his face against Khimi’s chest. “They are more of your friends than they are mine,” he begins. “I think…maybe we should really think this through, Khimi.”
Khimi hums then he places a kiss atop Lumi’s head, “I have,” he whispers. “I have thought about this for years, Lumi. Every year he pushes himself further into madness with his obsession. His insane ideals and ideologies.”
“I…hate him,” Lumi whispers, a scowl almost visible in the darkness.
Khimi scoffs, trying to maintain a cheerful demeanor. “I know. I have been thinking,” he says while he releases Lumi from his grip and rolls onto his back. “We can’t trust anyone on the estate. Someone coordinated this, or acted for Ziad at the least.”
Lumi groans, “I am sick of this…of worrying if Ziad is going to send someone to cut my throat. Rashid died because of him,” he murmurs. “When’s it going to stop?”
“We will be gone soon, Lumi. Once we’re on the move, there will be no chance for him to find us. We’ll learn more of my new friends, and then we will make a decision on how we’re going to handle him,” Khimi whispers confidently.
Lumi remains quiet, sprawling out beside Khimi. “So we go to the Golden Isles…and confront him,” he says before he grabs Khimi’s arm. “This isn’t a joke, Khimi. Rashid is dead. Your father is the gre–”
“I know!” Khimi shouts suddenly. “You…don’t have to tell me wha–”
“Khimi! Listen to me,” Lumi groans, his nails dig into Khimi’s upper arm. “I’ll do anything to be with you, bu–”
“We’ll hand–”
“I’ll kill him,” Lumi shouts, interrupting him. “I’ll do it MYSELF!” He shouts, sitting up suddenly.
“Wh-what are you talking about?” Khimi asks, his face screwing up in confusion. He grabs Lumi’s shoulder and shakes him. “What are you even talking about?”
“Khimi, I won’t let your father ruin your life anymore…if you want me to, I’ll channel the power of the gods,” Lumi stammers nervously, the bit of light reflecting in his eyes. “I kn–”
“Know what? You have such little faith in me that yo–”
“No!” Lumi shouts, “I have every bit of faith in you…Khimi,” he pauses, closing his eyes while he places his hand on Khimi’s cheek. “Khimi, I have more faith in you than I do anyone on Talmus. But my faith in you won’t stop Ziad from trying to come between us. Let me do this, I want to help yo–”
“This is my problem, Lu–”
“Your problem?” Lumi asks with a glint of anger. He sits up on his knees. “Ziad is OUR problem…if I didn’t come into your life,” he pauses and pushes the palms of his hands against his eyes. “He never would have tried to have me killed. He never would have hurt Rashid.”
“Ziad killed Rashid, Lumi,” Khimi says with an insistence. “You can say it,” he says, nodding in the darkness at Lumi.
Lumi growls, “Your father…murdered your best friend!” He spits, “he tried to have me killed, and he wants to control you…not to mention all the years of abuse and torment. What about Aleyna? Aleyna doesn’t deser–”
“You’re right,” Khimi interrupts. “You’re right,” he repeats in a whisper. “But, we will figure it out before you have to resort to that. I know how it makes you feel, I know you don’t wa–”
Lumi shakes his head, “No, Khimi. I don’t care anymore…I’ll bring my will down upon him. I promise. I promise,” he says again. “I can’t take this, Khi–”
“I know,” Khimi replies to Lumi’s trembling words. He sits up and brushes his hand across Lumi’s shoulders. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Rashid was one of the few people you said you trusted,” Lumi sobs, “We’re surrounded by people we can’t trust, spies or allies of Ziad…I just want to leave,” he cries, “This place was supposed to feel like home.”
Khimi sighs, but pulls Lumi against himself. He can tell there was nothing that he could say that would ease Lumi’s mind, so he does the one thing that he knows would calm him down. Khimi’s lips press against Lumi’s and although Khimi does not feel the romance of the moment, he wants nothing more than for Lumi to be at ease. Lumi moans against the kiss, his lips move while he tries to speak until he melts against Khimi, his sobs ceasing.
Lumi’s forehead presses against Khimi’s, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he murmurs.
“We’ve already been through this,” Khimi whispers in response. “Nothing that happened was your fault. Besides, Rashid told Lilith, he wanted us to move on…to enjoy our lives and be happy.”
“R-Rashid told her that?”
“His spirit,” Khimi begins softly, “But y-yeah, he said he wanted us to enjoy our lives.”
Lumi begins sobbing once again and though Khimi tries to kiss him again, Lumi pushes him aside and stands from the floor. He gazes up to the blue tinted window. With the absence of the moons, light barely pierces the colored glass. Yet Khimi can see Lumi’s outline in the darkness, his partner standing with his eyes to the heavens. Lumi slowly begins to whisper a prayer to the gods, begging for them to protect and guide Rashid’s soul. It is not the first time he heard Lumi recite prayers, he had said prayers every morning since their visit to the Golden Isles.
“We’re going to be hosting a celebration of his life,” Khimi whispers once Lumi finishes his prayer. “I know you’re upset, but…the celebration is typically that – a celebration. It is considered rude to appear sullen,” he adds, then relaxes back onto his side.
“S-Sullen?” Lumi asks in disbelief. “How can you be so calm…so put together?!” He growls. “I don’t need to be at the celebration, I’ll just bring everyone’s mood down,” he whispers.
Lumi grabs his tail and rolls the golden ring on his tail, he moves his finger over the glittering sapphire.
“Rashid would be upset if you weren’t there,” Khimi mutters before he tries to find a comfortable position on the colorful floor cushions around him. “Honor my friend’s last wishes, Lumi. Just come to the damn celebration. Drink, smile, and honor Rashid and all that he did for us.”
Lumi crosses the room in silence and sits on the edge of the bed, “I’ll go, but…I can’t promise I’ll smile.”
Khimi attempts a smile for Lumi in the dark, knowing that Lumi can see him. “We’ll just have to get you nice and drunk…maybe you’ll become better friends with Augustus and Mido while you’re there.”
“I don’t know if I am ready to make new friends,” Lumi replies in a whisper. “They’re nice and all…but I just want to be alone.”
“Grief takes time,” Khimi says, remembering Lilith’s words.
The head priestess had given Khimi a lot to think about since their meeting. For hours, he journeyed back through his life and measured the relationships that he kept. It did not take long for him to realize that Lilith had been right, he never lost anyone that he would consider close. The longer he thought about it, the more he began to feel that emptiness Lilith mentioned. Rashid was always around in his younger life, an ever present figure, whose life had been snuffed out before its time.
“I’m sorry,” Lumi mutters again.
Khimi wants to say something reassuring, but he instead continues to fight with the thin, silk cushions beneath him. Thoughts of his advisor invade his mind. Fond childhood memories of Rashid helping him grow into the man he is today. He sighs, slamming his head against the cushion, feeling his head bounce against the tile. No matter what Lilith said about Rashid moving on and wanting him to be happy, he knew it would be a struggle. He closes his eyes and begins to recite Lumi’s prayer under his breath.
“Gods of Light and Fire, light a beacon to guide Rashid home. May his soul be protected and may you grant him eternal life,” Khimi mumbles quietly, the words feel empty coming from his lips. And yet, he repeats them again, hoping beyond anything that these hollow words would reach the gods.